Perceptions of Adulthood

This topic has been weighing on me today, and since I’ve been nagged repeatedly (by parties who shall remain nameless) (Andrea) to blog again… here you go, world.

Dad always told us that we would be adults once he and Mom could stop paying to support us. If all goes to plan, after this month I will be completely, 100% independent. I am more than grateful for the financial support my parents have provided, and I couldn’t really have swung this crazy cross-country life shift without them. Let’s be real – I drove off into the sunset and flung my future to the wind, without any battle plan. I can’t believe how fortunate I am to have gotten to this point in just over a month. Soon, every expense in my life will be paid with the money I earn at my grownup job – which is simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying.

Let’s talk about my grownup job for a minute. As you may know, I am now the Marketing Manager for Miramont Lifestyle Fitness…but most of you probably have no clue what that entails. Turns out I’m the head of the whole marketing department, overseeing two graphic designers, and coordinating all internal and external marketing efforts for the entire 4-facility company (soon to be 5-facility in 2015). We are the top-of-the-line fitness club in Fort Collins, with over 22,000 members; each paying top-dollar for the privilege… and these people trust me not to screw it up. Not just “not screw it up”, but improve it. This is what they pay me to do! For the first time since graduating from Ithaca, I wake up each morning filled with pure joy, just knowing that I get to go to a job I love. 

So my career is taking off and my life is actually taking shape out here in beautiful Colorado. I can see myself living out here for a long, long time. Which makes me wonder… what’s next?

Maybe I’m a little behind the eight ball since the only serious relationship I’ve had turned out to be a complete train wreck, but who said we were old enough to get married? At the company picnic last week, several people asked me where my family was. Not my “family” as in the people who share my blood and raised me, but my “family” as in one who put a ring on it and those who came out of my uterus. I laughed each time the question was posed because it just seems PREPOSTEROUS. Do I really seem old enough to be responsible for another human life? Because I’m literally going to go home after this, jump on the trampoline with my roommates and giggle like a 12 year old.

I work with a lot of women, many of whom I would consider my peers, EXCEPT for the chunky diamonds hanging off their left hands. I can actually count on one hand the number of people I work with who are not engaged or married. Granted, we all work for a fitness center, so they’re all total 10s and OF COURSE someone had to lock them down, but it does make me wonder… when is this going to happen to me?

In my ridiculous timeline of life (when I figured everyone died in their sleep at 100), I figured I’d get married around age 25 – after dating my chosen man for 2-3 years. WELP, that puts me right on schedule for meeting Mr. Right any day now. Is your mind blown? Because mine sure is.

Don’t worry - I’m not going to start looking at rings the moment I get a third date… (I won’t actually bother looking at all – Andrea knows exactly how to guide my future man toward the perfect Casey-will-you-marry-me selection) but it dawned on me that we’re approaching the second act. (Maybe we’re already there? I can’t be sure – intermission was fuzzy) This may be the first time I’ve had that thought without going into the fetal position and reaching for a juice box. Every day I am living a life of my own creation, and suddenly…

Being an adult doesn't seem so scary.

"So, what brings you to Fort Collins?"

Pretty much everyone I've talked to during the past 2 weeks has been a complete stranger. This means I get to (have to) explain myself over and over and over... eventually they always come to the same question:

"So, what brings you to Fort Collins?"

And then I create some combo of the following phrases:

• My roommates will be grad students at CSU
• The job market is way better (which has yet to be proven)
• I needed a new adventure

"Oh wow, that's really brave."

...brave? I mean, I'm no vampire slayer (any guesses what my latest Netflix binge has been?), but thanks for noticing. 

Two weeks didn't sound like a long time when I found out that's how long I'd be out here alone, but it has been quite the experience. Sure, Tyler was here to help me move in, and then I spent my first weekend in Denver with Kursten, but it has been me, myself, and I since last Monday.

I've had several run-ins with my shoulder guys this week. For those of you living without a working knowedge of Emporer's New Groove references (and I use the term "living" loosely here), this means that those little voices inside my head have been at war in my brain. 

"You need to get out there and experience life!"
"Stay inside and lock the doors!"
"Over 300 days of sunshine - go bask in it!"
"Netflix!"
"At least clean something"
"Netflix!"

After spending Sunday as a hermit crab, I decided to sign up for a guided nature hike on Monday morning, thinking it could be a way to meet people. When I woke up this morning, it occurred to me that 9:00am on a Monday is not when young professional adults go on hikes - they're at work, contributing to society. Oops. Despite my shoulder devil coaxing me to forget it and stay home, I grabbed my waterbottle and headed out. 

Sure, I spent the morning hiking with the chattiest 70-year-old man I've ever encountered. Thankfully he couldn't keep up, so I only had to endure his ramblings when our guide decided to wait. Sure, the guide was a middle-aged woman, and not the strapping young nature man I'd envisioned, but she was good for conversation and her husband used to live in Rochester! For whatever reason, I have a lot of experience making small talk with old people - and they're always the least intimidating option. 

After a quick stop at the library for a new book (which I will make myself read in the park) and an ice cream cone (because I'm an adult and I can have ice cream for lunch if I wanna and this is absolutely how my mother raised me), I returned home - triumphant in my comfort-zone-breaking-ness. 

Am I on a solo backpacking trip through South America? No
Am I living in hostels and working odd jobs in Europe? No
Have I landed my dream job with fabulous benefits? No
But I'm out here and I'm living life the best I can... and maybe that's brave after all.         

10%

I’m standing in my kitchen eating store-brand fruit cocktail right out of the can, wondering what to do with my life. I told people I might start blogging again… I guess now is as good a time as any. 

Today marks my official one-week Colorado-versary (even though technically I didn’t move into our place in Fort Collins until Wednesday), and this is the first day I’ve spent completely alone in… maybe forever. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever spent so many consecutive hours alone. I don’t know why anyone would choose to live this way – it kinda sucks. Thankfully this is a temporary state of crushing loneliness because Andrea and Rob will move in next week. Still, that’s over a week from now, which means I’ve only managed to make it through less than 10% of my sentence. Maybe it’ll get better. Maybe I’ll make friends with the little gray mouse I watched scamper across the kitchen floor yesterday. 

I had an informational interview this afternoon with an agency in town. The lady was nice enough, and provided a sizeable list of local agencies to try… although my wavering confidence pretty much shattered when she asked: “What are you going to do if none of these work out?” WOW. Uhhhhhh…. I guess I’ll just start working the street corner near the 7-Eleven across from the empty lot next to my house. THANKS FOR ASKING. 

After retrieving my car from the unfamiliar parking garage, I headed for the grocery store. After selecting a cart, I proceeded to work my way down aisle-by-aisle, hoping that eventually I wouldn’t feel like crying. That plan actually worked pretty well. Which means, if I’m lucky, I’ll only have cried during one grocery expedition this month! 

I am now the proud owner of a King Soopers SOOPER CARD. It’s not Wegmans, but it’ll do. At least their store-brand fruit cocktail is decent. Because, ya know, that’s really how you judge quality. 

Things out here really aren’t as bad as they seem right now. Despite the mouse visitor/resident, I’m starting to feel comfortable in my new surroundings. Most of the windows have curtains, which is good because for the past two days my house has been surrounded by landscapers. At least by the time I have roommates we might have a nice backyard to play in. 

Well, my can is empty, so I guess I’ll wrap it up. If you’ve actually managed to read this entire post, know that I am doing just fine out West, and things will come together soon. Thank goodness for Netflix.